Love in the dark

Humming silently to myself
I lean across the vast distance
That separates
Your sleeping form from mine.
The darkness hides your frown lines
And your body sings to my touch.

You match my tempo as it reaches it’s crescendo….

And in that moment of intimacy,
Your angry snores resound persistently
To prove that nothing has changed.

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11 thoughts on “Love in the dark

  1. How do we change the pattern of desire when we want something from another they are either unwilling, or unable, to give? Do we keep trying to get it, then live in resentment for not getting? How do we find our own completion without demanding it (needing it) from another? With what do we replace the emptiness created by our unfulfilled expectations, unsatisfied desires, we have of others? How can we find happiness in accepting that the other will not satisfy our longing, or reciprocate our love the way we expect it?

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    • Ah! The ever-elusive desire. Let me add another question to your list. How do we even know that we truly desire what we THINK that we desire? Some people, I think, try to set unreal goals just so that they have something to chase. Like the musk deer. Others, use it as a step ladder – tick one, move to the other. But either ways, these people at least presume that they know what they want. In all honesty, I have yet to meet someone who is happy with getting exactly what they desired. In the end, I think that everyone lives with unfulfilled dreams, but find it easier to blame it on someone else. Because if you can’t be happy with yourself, no one else will ever be able to give you that satisfaction. Celibacy is not to be practiced only on the physical level, but on all levels possible to achieve even a marginal possibility of contentment. No one else will ever make you happy, if you can’t do it for yourself. That is the only truth.

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      • No short comment here, sorry.

        To these somewhat rhetorical questions, there are answers. If we think small, dream small, then confusion reigns because the ways and means keep changing, and small goals get swallowed up by other small goals. Like New Year’s resolutions or birthday wishes.

        As for “celibacy” that requires a special response. Most people need sex and are forced by society to hide it under romance or marriage commitment. Some don’t need sex and can easily walk away from all of its restrictive lures. I am what I consider to be a “real” transgender being, that is neither male nor female and the body shape is rather irrelevant even if I’d like to be able to switch back and forth. As a transgender I don’t feel the pull or need for sexual contact, in fact I avoid it, and I don’t need any special romantic attachments either. Being entirely mind free of such attachments allows me to move among people with only my chosen purpose in mind: to serve according to need and what resources I possess to share or give. I was raised in the Catholic church and to me “celibacy” means making an endless hard and difficult choice not to “have sex” or develop a romantic attachment to another. As a transgender I have no such need, the issue doesn’t come up so there is no effort to make; a freedom few people can relate to. But I realize I have an uncommon gift. We need to focus on the reality that “sex” and male/female attachments are very real and powerful among normal Earthians. This is what we have to work with. To deny these needs is not healthy. Celibacy among normal people is very destructive. The other thing people should be aware of, beyond the programming is that Earthians are not monogamous: that’s a dictatorial imposition from those in Power seeking to control the people’s sexuality so they can benefit from the resultant horror show of sex-slavery, misogyny, prostitution, pornography, pedophilia and the so blatant sexual exploitation of women’s bodies in commerce. If “sex” was allowed to be in a free and natural state none of those horrors would exist, or at least only in very small increments.

        Now for goals. The problem isn’t that people set goals, but, as you say, they set unreal goals, or poorly defined goals. What would make a “good” goal? Well, why not forget setting a goal, or step-ladder goals and go for the gold: set a life’s purpose for oneself, a purpose that is entirely dependent on only one person: oneself? A purpose that remains steadfast no matter the changing circumstances of one’s life, whether free or in jail, rich or poor, healthy or sick, single or raising a family – a purpose that has its roots in a reality beyond this one life? A purpose that anchors you in a cosmic, infinite reality? A purpose that is only “fulfilled” as it is lived for, but can never be completed, being tied to life, to the cosmic creative process? There are such things, even if most of them as yet have no language here on earth, but anyone can “go there” and sense it. I am not that smart to translate cosmic information, but I chose such a purpose for myself that already had an Earthian definition, and that’s what I measure myself to, each and every day, and night when I am awake, or when I dream. This purpose is the real me, and my commitment to it is irrevocable: I could never turn back on it. It’s compassion. I (was-am-will be) an avatar of compassion. The “need” for compassion does not end, hence my choice gives me what you could call eternal life. How simple, huh?

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        • Hey. Before i get started replying to this comment, i wanted to reply to the one on the blog. One second it was there, and the moment i started trying to reply…it vanished! i dont know enough technical WP troublshooting to retrieve that comment of yours so am replying here. The kind of time constraints that i live with, i totally get it what its like to manage an undesired obligation as well. So no, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to 🙂 I just saw the “award” as an opportunity to ask you tons of questions!!!! I would absolutely love it if you answer those. You have such a different yet familiar way of looking things and its always a new learning.

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        • Well, you have it all figured out ha? That must be so de-stressing. I think most of the time i am stressed out because i don’t know who i am or what i should be doing. it feels like i am drifting aimlessly when i should have been headed full steam ahead. but right now i am just sticking to trying to improve myself as a person and weeding out all the undesirables. You’ve used some very interesting terms and concepts here. of course sex is a basic programming for all those on the planet. it was aimed to be the process for further propagation of the species after all. but for humans, somehow everything has become dirty. One of the Avatars of Love – Lord Krishna, was supposed to practice union with his female counterparts without shedding a drop of semen. this phenomenon was called brahmacharya where he practised union with the Divine. today the definition has been distorted to mean remaining celibate. there was once a story of a saint who spent years shut away from the world in deep contemplation of the Universe and God. But there was something that bothered him a lot. It was his sexual urges. So it could mean that staying celibate physically alone does not help one move higher up. Sex is a three letter word that has taken up more mind space than its complementary four letter word – love. Without the latter, the former is just a series of grunting in the dark. It is not important whether one has sex, remains monogamous or abstains completely. what is important is the intention behind everything. the body is just a shell that we will one day have to cast away anyways. but the soul has to journey on. Keep it pure only then will everything be simple.

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          • {smiling here… and quote:} “Keep it pure only then will everything be simple.” Ah, well, hmm… one would first have to define purity, and while one is busy unraveling that, life passes them by. Purity is another of those impossible absolutes better left to religious fanatics and theologians. Certainly it has no place among “normal” life, which can never be pure in the full sense of the word. Life is messy, and that’s what makes it come alive. Perhaps you mean more in a mystical/mental sense rather than physical. Like, whatever you engage, do so with “pure” thoughts about it? But that just complicates the hell out of life and it is what drives people crazy: trying to attain the unattainable. The endless question, how do I know this is right, this is wrong? How do I prepare for every eventuality? And how will I know? That has driven many persons over the edge, or turned them into fanatics. It’s all common sense and it changes moment by moment. Right today can be wrong tomorrow; abstinence today can change to indulgence tomorrow. What life seeks is the freedom to express itself beyond all and every rule. Gods, the ultimate controllers, then their sycophants and “descendants” are the makers of rules because to exist they need to have power over. Power over, never with. It’s all taking, never, ever sharing. They want more while putting in less and less. Every law ever enacted with force behind it is anti-life. We only need laws because we insist on living “in” civilizations. Non-civilized individual free people need no laws – they have common sense. They don’t ask questions that have no answers, they just go on enjoying life, living life. As they go to it, it comes to them. Such is never the case in controlled environment. Earth is increasingly being called the Prison Planet. The more man spreads his devastatingly controlling civilizations over this world the more of a prison it becomes.

            There are so many hidden things most will never know. You say that sex was for propagation: it never was! In the beginning (of homo sapiens) sex was necessary relief and therapy, primarily for men who were total prisoners and slaves of their gods (the Anunaki). At first they only made men, and men died quickly from lack of balance in their psyche: no female interaction. So they made the female as basically a slave (for sex and otherwise) of the male slaves. She was barren, by design: they wanted to control the race, didn’t want to take chances about mutants. But the costs of cloning rose and finally they decided to make new females able to bear children so they could have cheaper slaves. And they made her so she could reproduce like a machine: one after the other with hardly any time in between pregnancies. During those early times the females were not married. Any man could take any woman anytime. The babies didn’t belong to the mother but to the “gods” who raised them to slave on. This is a long hidden history available to those who seek the truth of it all. It explains much about misogyny, the global lesser status of women except generally among non-civilized societies, and of course over- population as well as the whole rather obvious “un-naturalness” of Earthians; their complete disregard for their living environment; their greed; their exploitation of any and every resource or energy source. This they inherited from their gods.

            There is also the matter of the “soul” you mention. The soul, in actual fact, is not the real you, or anyone, it’s a control implant which every Earthian (and possible every sentient creature) is given during gestation. It’s how they manipulate people to do their bidding even when it should be obvious that such acts are detrimental to life, nature and one’s well-being and survival. The soul is a hellish invention, but the propaganda around it is carefully crafted so few ever find out, fewer still learn how to turn it off, or remove it entirely. Without a soul to force negative impulses it is much easier to see the truth of the universe, and the cosmos.

            Well, that’s in response to all those short posts you sent out, which I read, one and all, and they are very sharp, very good. I like interacting with you, and keep in mind that you don’t need to spend precious personal time responding. If you like, click like. Good enough… or just go on to what you do best.

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