I have been quiet a long time now. So long, in fact, that I wonder if I have a voice at all; and even if I do, is there anyone out there willing to listen?
I wish thinking were as easy as cooking. You could just pop your head inside the fridge and know what you had to work with. Then every thing else would just be a matter of following the process and voila! You have something that fills your tummy as well as your heart! But thinking is another ball game altogether. There are so many thoughts that fight to gain control. The happy thoughts bleed into the grim ones and the darker ones are tinged with hope. I cannot begin to sort them out and frankly, I don’t know if I could ever!
Over the years I have found that the sun can be hidden by clouds even on a sunny day. But the darkness is omnipresent for where there is light, there is shadow. Both are a part of life but if you think about it, it is only in the dark side of the night that you find comfort from the demons that haunt your days. Days are filled with too many hours that you have to consume while trying to feel productive and successful. The night offers the solace of cuddling up and sleeping. You don’t have to pretend any more.
Why is it that whenever a person if feeling low, there is always someone to tell them that there are others who have it worse? Are we not allowed our own little measure of misery? Must we always count our blessings instead? What is so wrong or petty about having a good cry over how your life is headed? I would hope that there are others who also feel that indignation when their right to mourn is taken away.
Since I am already walking down that road, let me throw caution to the wind and ask one more question. Is it possible to be on a Pursuit to Unhappyness? The most beloved person in my life seems to think that I love being miserable. That maybe I don’t know any other way of being. All my silver clouds have dark linings. As I sit here wondering what exactly I am moping here I think, could it be true? And if it is, am I alone on this pursuit?