It has come to my attention lately that I have been spending a large portion of my waking hours watching Pokemon. Also, it is not considered very adult-like behavior to clap with glee every time I manage to catch a Pokemon in the game Pokemon-Go. Talking about evolutions, special attacks or the incredibly cute but funny way that some Pokemon pronounce their name is also on the list of childish activities. And I think to myself…What a wonderful life!
If only, all that we had to worry about was living the way we wanted to, things would be so much easier. Much more pleasant. The only person we would have to aim to please is ourselves, and since only a happy person could spread happiness, the entire world would then be a happy place. No one would try to hide their feelings since there was no chance of catching the “evil eye”. Everyone would be equally in a state of inebriation – intoxicated with love and joy. Thus, the Pursuit of Happyness would finally be complete.
Alas, such is not the case.
We spend a large chunk of our life worrying about what others would think. This would result in stifling dreams that fail to meet other’s expectations, aborting ideas that would involve risk but gain tremendous satisfaction, strangling every rebellious voice that arose within…long list but then we all know about it. The point is that no matter what we do trying to please others, no one is ever really going to be happy. And the only way for anyone to be truly pleased by one’s efforts is if they were already in an internal state of happiness. Thus, the vicious cycle of unhappiness continues.
I have often had to bury my desires to do something different in a coffin marked “what would the society say?”. Honestly, I don’t think that anyone would really give a damn about what I do with my life. But the phantom of the prejudiced society looms like a sword on my head; ready to fall the moment I decide to live for myself. I wish I could say that I am one of those who dares to follow her heart’s desires despite it all. I wish I could say that I haven’t spent many a nights drowning in despair for not being allowed to do as I wanted for a flimsy nonsensical reason. I wish I could say that I stood up to those who underappreciated me, put me down or basically went about making my life miserable for no good reason except that they could. I wish I could say that I was as bold and determined as the characters I write about. But I can’t. I can’t lie.
So I take small baby steps to discover the extent of the leash that I have allowed to be tied around my neck. I ignore small snubs that would have loomed large in my mind a few years ago. I focus on myself. Begin to love my body by taking care of it. Begin to love my mind by giving it the food it needs to grow strong and brave. And begin to write…to get myself in the habit of speaking up and speaking out when the time arises. After all, I just want to be happy. What harm could there be in that?